Monday, December 5, 2011

Movie Madness: Transformers, Dark of the Moon and Don't Even Bother

We rented Transformers: Dark of the Moon the other day from Red Box. What a waste of $1.29. But I would have been even more upset if I had seen this in the theater last summer because this movie made no sense!

The second one didn't either and you would think they’d correct that but no, they didn’t. They just made it worse. Ugh, seriously, after watching Inception the first time I knew what had happened and why. Too bad I can't say the same for Transformers 3. Some of my biggest pet peeves with this movie follows (Spoilers below):

  1. The top half of that skyscraper leaning over and held in place by another building: It made no sense to me. That is not structurally possible, is it?! I mean, God, I hated that. Then that tentacle Decepticon thingy running through the building. If it wanted to kill them so bad, why didn’t it just blow the damn thing up!
  2. Rosie Huntington-Whatever: I didn’t mind her as a replacement for Megan Fox. But that damn white jacket that never got dirty really got on my nerves. And all she got to do was look hot, scream “Sam!” a million times (yes, I know what his name is!) and she told Megatron he was somebodies bitch? I guess that was supposed to be cool?
  3. How many times did they fall through glass windows and not get cut up by that? I don’t get it! Since when does glass not cut the hell out of you when you fall through it that many times?! Even Die Hard pointed this out when John McClane went running through it bare foot then had to pull a huge piece out of his foot. And look, even Terry thinks it's ridiculous too!:
  4. The people jumping out of windows: Why? What were they supposed to do? I thought the military couldn’t get into Chicago? They made a point of trying to get the bridges down. So where did they come from? Why were they there? Again, what were they supposed to do? I’m pretty sure they were jumping out of windows. They didn’t jump from any planes because they were shot down by the Decepticons, right? I guess I could have gone back to find out but I wasn’t about to waste my time.
  5. And seriously, Michael Bay, you know men were dragging their wives/girlfriends to this movie, the least you could have done was give the ladies some eye candy. Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson were not enough. Were they shirtless? No. The movie gets an F- just for that. Even some English dude, whose all Shakespearean and serious about movie stuff, knew what the ladies wanted when they went to see Thor (which is the ONLY reason I wanted to see Thor on Mother’s Day (and I was really looking for another excuse to use this pic)).

So in conclusion, Transformers: Dark of the Moon was a big waste of time and it made me want to throw squirrels at Michael Bay, Dixon-style:

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